Confusion
by Thanitos101b
Summary: Summer, Seth, Ryan and Marissa try and figure out what happened to them over the course of the last few years. Minor season 3 spoilers.
1. Chapter 1

Seth woke up with a sharp pain in his head. He moaned as he raised his hand to his forehead.

"Ugg," He said as he opened his eyes. He looked around his room and wondered what he had done last night. Apparently it was something exciting enough that he had totally blocked it out. He couldn't even recall what day it was.

He rubbed his eyes with his hand, and as he pulled them away he was startled to note a small gold band sitting on his ring finger.

Seth leapt out of bed and ran down the hall screaming "Ryan! Ryan! Ryan!" all the way to the pool house. Seth threw the door open and leapt on to Ryan's bed.

"Ghaaah!" Ryan exclaimed sitting up, "Seth? What do you want?"

"Owww!" cried Marissa as she sat up. "Get off me Seth!"

"Wait… your back together?" asked Seth puzzled.

"No!" responded Ryan.

"Yes," said Marissa, "wait a minute. 'No'?"

"Okay, that doesn't really matter, what matters is that I think I got married last night!" Seth cried as he showed them the ring.

"You don't think we are back together?" Marissa asked.

"Well we break up so often I can't really keep track."

"Okay… guys are you listening to me. I think I'm married!"

"We don't break up that often," Marissa said pouting.

"As fascinating as this conversation is," said an exasperated Seth, "aren't you supposed to be dead?"

"Who me?" asked Marissa.

"Yes you."

"Ah... no! I think I would know if I was dead," she said haughtily.

"Come to think of it, I distinctly remember you dying right around graduation," Ryan said with a look of concentration.

"Well I wouldn't know about that. I kind of stopped paying attention when I was a lesbian a year and a half ago," she said firmly.

"You were a lesbian?" asked Seth.

"You knew about that right?" Ryan responded.

"Probably. But I think that was during the whole Zach-Summer thing. Life then was kind of a haze. Do you remember it?" asked Seth.

"I vaguely recall something about it. But I was dealing with my pregnant girlfriend at the time."

"No," said Marissa, "That was Theresa, when I was a lesbian you were dating Seth's Aunt."

"I dated Hailey?" asked a confused Ryan.

"No… the other one. What's her face," Seth said. "But that is not important. What is important is that I am married, and we don't know who to."

"Do you think it could be Summer?" asked Marissa.

"Talking about me?" Summer asked as she entered the pool house.

"Yeah! Hey Summer…" Seth stammered. "Did we get married?"

"I don't think so. But who can tell first you like me, then I like you, then we are dating, then broken up, then we are dating other people, the whole thing is messed up and I certainly can't be expected to keep track of it," Summer said and then turned to Marissa, "Aren't you supposed to be dead?"

"No! Why do people keep asking me that?" Marissa exclaimed.

"Well if we aren't married, then who am I married to?" asked Seth.

The four teenagers sat on the bed with their brows furrowed attempting to remember the events of the recent past.

"I've got it!" Summer exclaimed standing up. "You're gay and dating some jock."

"What!" exclaimed Seth, "That makes no sense."

"Really? I distinctly recall you being gay and hanging out with some guy who works at the airport. And your dad owned it or something," Summer said trying to be helpful.

"Okay, I am not gay, and my dad never owned an airport."

"Are you sure?" asked Marissa.

"Yes, he couldn't have, he was in a coma," Seth said authoritatively.

The four went back to their deep concentration.

"This is impossible!" Seth cried, "All I can think about is how Summer lost her virginity to Jimmy Fallon on Saturday Night Live."

"That was an episode of Family Guy!" Summer said as she slapped Seth upside the head.

"Well to be fair," Ryan said, "You do look like the girl from That '70s Show."

"I am not Mila Kunis!" cried Summer, "lets just figure out what is going on here and go home."

Suddenly Marissa vomited all over the bed. "Damn it!" she said, "I just realized I am dead."

"Oh my God! That is so sick!" Seth squealed as he ran from the bed.

"Eww!"

"Now what am I supposed to do?" asked Marissa, "Being dead is going to ruin my whole summer."

"Why don't you become a Grim Reaper?" asked Seth in all honesty.

"I don't want to get a job. I'm dead, I shouldn't have to."

"Hey Ryan!" said Kirsten as she poked her head in the door, "Oh, hi Seth, Summer, why don't the three of you come in for some lunch?"

"Maybe I might like some lunch?" asked Marissa, "Oh wait, you can't see me. I'm dead."

The three living ones left Marissa to clean up the mess she had made while they went into the kitchen to eat lunch. Sadly their lunch was interrupted by the doorbell. Julie Cooper briskly walked into the kitchen and sat next to Seth.

"Hi honey!" she cried as she planted a massive kiss on Seth's mouth.

"What?" asked Seth as he saw his parents' jaws drop.

"What do you mean 'what?' We got married last night," Julie said as she showed a massive diamond ring on her hand to the table.

"I'm married to Julie Cooper?" asked Seth as he couldn't quite wrap his head around the concept.

"Actually it's Julie Cooper-Nickle-Roberts-Trump-Winfry-Cohen now," she said with a large smile. "Don't we just make the cutest couple?"

"I think I am going to make a bigger mess than Marissa," Seth said looking down at his food.

"Speaking of which where is Marissa?" Julie asked looking around.

"Well she died, but she is currently haunting the pool house," Ryan helpfully added.

"That is so like her," Julie said scowling, "She can't even be pleasant in death."


	2. Chapter 2

Ryan, Summer and Seth quietly slid into a booth at the restaurant.

"I don't see why we have to meet here," Summer said grabbing a menu.

"Well we can't meet at the pool house. Marissa is haunting it," Ryan said exasperated. "She won't leave, and so all day and all night it is just chains clanking, moaning, and occasionally asking me to get her some vodka."

"You can get wasted while dead?" asked Seth incredulously.

"No, but you can spill alcohol all over the floor and then expect your on again off again boyfriend to clean it up."

"So what is she doing now?" asked Seth.

"I think she is reading back issues of Birds of Prey," Ryan said leaning back. "I love her, but she is driving me insane."

"Can't she just move on?" asked Summer, "I mean she is being really rude."

"When I asked her, she just gave me a whole bunch of crap about being tied to the earthly plane. Which I translated to mean she has not accepted her own death. Is there anyway to drag her to her therapist's office while dead?"

"Newport is a little light on the Voodoo stores buddy," Seth said patting him on the shoulder. "But can we please figure out a way to get me a divorce from Julie Cooper… Nickel-Roberts-Trump-Winfry-Cohen?"

"I can't believe you married her mom!" Summer squealed.

"Hey! Your dad married her first."

"Did they get married? I just thought they were engaged?" asked Summer.

"Well who can keep up with Julie Cooper-Nickel-Roberts-Trump-Winfry-Cohen's love life?" asked Seth, "I can't believe Luke got out with out marrying her."

There was a slight pause in the conversation. Normally Seth would fill it, but oddly Ryan leaned forward. "I dated your aunt?"

"I think so."

"Your aunt?"

"Yeah. It was pretty gross."

"How did that happen?" Ryan asked incredulously.

"Grandpa slept around," Seth said simply. "And you hooked up with his illegitimate daughter."

"That sounds awfully convenient," Ryan said skeptically.

"Well it happened. Seth was dating a lesbian at the time," Summer said pointing at him, "So I guess it is all relative."

"Did you just make a pun?" asked Ryan.

"Anna is a lesbian?" Seth asked.

"No, not Anna," Summer said with a sigh.

"Wait… you're... you're not a lesbian are you?" asked a shocked Seth.

"No. Alex. Al-ex," she said with increased emphasis.

"Ohh… yeah. The girl with the stupid hair," Seth said nodding. "If she was a lesbian… why was she dating me?"

"I don't know… she dated Marissa right after you… so clearly you scared her off men."

"See," said Ryan, "I just don't understand how Marissa could hop from Luke to me to the yard guy to some random chick."

"Well, I guess the point is that she is just a huge skank," replied Seth.

"She is not a huge skank!" Summer exclaimed, "She was just experimenting. Or something. Like I was paying any attention. I had my own issues."

"Oh well who cares?" asked Ryan, "All I care is getting her the hell out of the pool house."

"While performing an exorcism of Marissa would be fun, can we please focus on how to divorce me from her mom?" asked Seth.

"Well a divorce will cost a little bit of money," said Ryan, "Good thing you still have that job."

"Job? I had a job?" asked Seth.

"Yeah," responded Summer, "At the Bait Shop. It was where you met Alex."

"Really?"

"Yes"

"Are you sure I still work there?"

Ryan sighed, "Well I am not the one to be asking about jobs. I am not even sure if I still work at the Crab Shack."

"You worked at the Crab Shack?" asked Summer incredulously.

"Yeah, he also played Soccer," said Seth "Did you quit… or what?"

"I honestly don't know."

"Well I think you would be at least self aware enough to notice something like that," Summer said folding her arms.

"Oh really?" asked Ryan.

"Yeah."

"Well Miss Pot, do you remember when you drank as much as Marissa?"

"I… uhh… guess so."

"And remember when you wore barely there clothes in bright colors?"

"Yeah… so I had a fondness for mini skirts?"

"Well when did you get so frumpy?" Ryan asked.

"I didn't get frumpy. I became Bohemian." Summer looked at herself, "Okay, so I got frumpy. And no, I don't know when it happened. It just sort of did."

"Uh-oh!" Seth said pointing out the window. Outside his parents were entering the restaurant.

"So," said Sandy, "Are you having an affair?"

"No," said Kirsten, "Are you having an affair?"

"No… but are you almost having an affair?"

"Well yeah, but so are you."

"Well that is not true!"

"Yes it is! First you're with that little Rachel from the office, and then it was Ruth Bader Ginsburg."

"Like Mrs. Jimmy Cooper and Carter Buckley has room to talk."

"Well why did you think I took to the booze?" asked Kirsten, "It was easier than trying to figure out which of us was almost sleeping with whom."

"Yeah, but what about your weird flirtation with Seven of Nine durring rehab?" asked Sandy.

"Oh… she was a Borg. They have mind control."

"The Borg don't have mind control."

"Yes they do."

"No, they don't!"

"Wait there's Seth," Kirsten said waving, "Hey Seth! Do the Borg have mind control?"

"I don't watch Star Trek!" Seth yelled back, "But if I did I would tell you they are cyborgs, not telepaths."

Summer looked at him like he was some sort of frog.

"I think I am going to die of embarrassment," Seth said lying on the table.


End file.
